now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
