Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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