I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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