Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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