i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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