I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
