Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
