I think I died a long time ago.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
