Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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