Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
