so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
