new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
