hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
