you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
