i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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