We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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