so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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