If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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