you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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