so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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