8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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