I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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