He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
