You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
