im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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