Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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