I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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