garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we have officially lost it.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
