I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He passed out mid-signature
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
