So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
