just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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