I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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