Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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