He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize