They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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