Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
