woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
