what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
