I'm so fucking centered right now
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
