I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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