I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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