I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
