guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am midnight drunk by noon
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
