if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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