The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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