Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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