So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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