Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Rumble strips road head = magical
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
