HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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