before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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