just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
