how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
