I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
