I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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