honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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