she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
