The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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