So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
