When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
