Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I will be naked everywhere
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
