I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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