just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
