I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Someone shattered a urinal.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
