She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
