Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
