I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
