we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
