his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
