I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
