I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
